Sunday, May 13, 2012

A letter to... Part 1

I don't know if I can even write this post.  As I told my husband yesterday, I am weepy this weekend.  Nothing's wrong, in fact, just the opposite, everything is right.  So right that I feel fortunate I am aware enough to stop and lift a little prayer of thanks to God for the blessings he has placed in my life.  In honor of those blessings, I am starting a series entitled "A letter to..."  where I will be posting a letter to all the important women in my life.  This is important to me, because, daily I see their strength, love, and faith.  But RARELY do I acknowledge it.  So, today I am starting.  There won't be one every day, but it is a beginning and I am excited to do it.

Soooooo, here goes...
A letter to my mom (let the tears commence)
Where do I start.  How do you start to tell someone who has been a constant in your life since birth what all they mean to you?  That is what you are, a constant.  When happy things happen, I cannot wait to tell  you, when I am frustrated, or worried - I want to call you, when funny things happen, or I do something so mindless, I think "wait til I tell mom"
I take for granted all the times that I call and you answer the phone.  Just that simple, no matter what the conversation that follows consists of, the fact that you are here to answer the phone makes me more fortunate than many who have lost their moms.  I am 33 years old and still have days when I just want my mama.  Does that ever stop?  I kind of hope not.  Because on those days, when I want you so bad - I call and just hearing your voice makes it better.  Even better if those days come and I get to see you.  I am so blessed.  Your voice calms me.  Your advice grounds me.  Your love strengthens me.  And I am a better person because of it.  I have told you this story before.  But once when I was little, I had played too hard, I had a terrible headache, and I was just crying inconsolably.  You took me and laid my head in your lap, you stroked my hair and just held me till I felt better.  You don't know how many times I go back to that feeling of the safety of being cared for that way.  I remember in my teens, coming home and telling you everything about my day.  Some of the things I shared, now as a parent, I would croak if my girl shared with me.  Things my friends were doing, or questions I had about all kinds of issues.  You never made me feel bad, you never made me feel silly, you always just listened.  How did you do that?

I take that back, I know how... I am a mom now too.  And I get it.  Not all of it, I know I have lots to learn, but I get the love you feel.  My hurts were your hurts, my joys were your joys, and my tears were your tears.  The cause was irrelevant, it was just if I felt it, you did too.  That is a wonderful feeling.  To never be alone in this life because your mama is going through your highs and lows right along with you. I am older now, and I have a wonderful husband that takes those highs and lows with me.  I have beautiful children to hold til their crying subsides, or to laugh with til our sides hurt.  I have a home that becomes the safe place for my family to come inside and shut out the world.  But I am convinced whole-heartedly ( is that even a word?) that I would have none of that if it weren't for the example you set by being a Godly wife, a dedicated mom, and always making home feel like the safest place in the world.
Thank you mom.  A poem I just read says this:

A Mother…
When you’re a child she walks before you,
To set an example.
When you’re a teenager she walks behind you
To be there should you need her.
When you’re an adult she walks beside you
So that as two friends you can enjoy life together..
Author Unknown

You're the best mama I ever had!  I love you - Jenn